The Pursuit of My Life

Part 3

The Call

(Kindly Read ‘Salad Days – The Reply | Part 2′ before Reading Part 3 – Click here to Read Part2)

19 years after that night.

04 May 08:15 am
Thiruvanmayur Beach Road,
Chennai.

The crimson layers of light and sound of waves gushing to the ocean floor competed to wake up Kamal as usual. Kamal is used to their competition for almost since he moved from Bangalore to the costal line of Chennai. He moved to the beach house apartment in Thiruvanmayur when his daughter joined Madras University to do her degree in Visual communication. To master in the trait which she copied from her father.

Every sun rise was special for Kamal as it is the only source of inspiration, apart from his daughter, for living that day to the fullest and to pen something to the long list of publishers. In few years Kamal has become a well know writer in newspaper and published independent works on Art, travel and Literature Reviews.

The heavy ray of sunlight hit the book rack across the window facing the ocean. The rays loved to touch the books which wore the name of Kamal as the author. The rays slide through each pages of his book as if she loved his work and finds a new meaning every day.

Kamal woke up with his half opened eyes and move towards the sliding glass door which opens to the balcony facing the beach. He started staring at the sun which is struggling to come out of the cloudy sky to show him his full figure.

“It’s about to rain…” – Kamal told to himself. And the first drop of rain hits Kamal’s face and in four years in Chennai, he had never felt the rain this way.

“Acha… acha… it’s raining.”
Kamals Daughter enters the balcony to join her father. He held her close to him and said,
“There is something special in this rain. See, the sun is struggling out there and rain is pouring out here.”

“You are finding that way because you are seeing through your poetic eyes. I am really enjoying the rain.”

“When are you leaving to college? Isn’t it this your last day in college?”

“Ohh acha, don’t start of that way. I don’t want to see it like that. All of my friends will be here in Chennai and I will not be missing them anyways. We are still planning to meet every day.”

“Plan something of your own, don’t depend on friends. They will not be there with you every day.”

“Ok acha, I need to hurry up now, do you mind me wearing that new levis jeans with that pink top, sleeveless on my last day.” He had never said a no to her and she never asked anything which is against the interest of her father. He smiled.

He enjoyed the rain but he didn’t show it on his face. He went down to have him morning tea which his daughter prepares every day for him. For him it’s just another day at his home and since it was raining, he couldn’t go out for his morning walk along the beach road.

He sat on the dining table facing the picture window and with regular interval he switched his eyes between the newspaper and the front garden to see the rain.

“acha…how’s it” She is beautiful like her mother and she looks more beautiful in his wife’s Kerala sari.

“You are my queen darling. Give me a Kiss” She hugged him and kissed on his forehead.

“All the best for your last day in the college…”
“acha… I told you…”

His mobile started ringing from his room. He started to get up from the chair to go upstairs to take the call.

“I will get it for you. You have the tea before it gets cold.” She went up running and he continues to read the morning paper. He heard her voice going so excited while talking to the person who is calling and he was curious to know who was on the other side of the call.

“Molu…Is the call for me?” Kamal shouted from the dining room and she came down running from his bed room.

“acha…its Venu chettan from Kerala. After so long I am talking to him… he wants to talk to you to discuss our trip to Kerala.”

Venu looks after the property and maternal house in Kerala. Molu was like his daughter, since her birth he had taken care of her when Kamal used to travel out of state for his work. She held the mouth piece closed and said,

“You didn’t even discuss our trip to Kerala, I am so excited, when are we going…” She kept on pouring so many open ended questions to him and he held his hand open to receive the call.

“We will discuss that once you are back from college and don’t take your bike today, I have told the driver to drop you and back home.”

“OK acha… pray for me.” She gave the call to him.

“Did you say bye to your mom?”

“Yeah I am going to tell her acha, don’t remind me always…you know that I will feel bad.”

She looked at the painting above the picture window facing their beautiful garden and said loudly in a funny tone so that he could listen.

“amma, I am leaving for my college. Do take care of my dad till I come back and make him understand that you are my mom too. I know you will be praying for me as always. My hug and kisses to you. Bye.”

She smiled at him and said a final bye before he started speaking to Venu on phone. He saw her going while speaking to him.

“Sir, molu… she is fine right. She told me that its her last day at her college today. I am so excited to see you both here sir.” Venu sounds like a mother bird waiting for her kids to return back to the nest.

“Why did you tell her about the Kerala trip? I was planning to come alone” Instead of responding to his questions about molu, Kamal sounds differently to him.

“So you are not taking her along with you? I wished to see my molu, that’s the reason out of my joy, I spoke to her about the trip without your permission. It’s been so long that you visited us and molu will be having her vacations now. She will feel happy to see us all after a long time.” Venu apologized to him for revealing his plans to his daughter.

“Is any problem there Venu? You sound so differently. What was this call made for?”

“Oh Kamal sir, I almost forgot.” He took a deep breath and continued.

“A lady came here a week back and even yesterday. She was asking for you on both the occasion. I have told her that you are not living here during her first visit, but when she came again, it sounded she wants to meet you very badly.”

“Didn’t you tell her that I am living in Chennai?”

“No Kamal sir, I didn’t tell her”

“Why?”

“I could make out that she was someone who doesn’t know you as a writer. More over when she cried during her last visit very badly asking for you, I have to call help to get rid of her.”

“How old is she?”

“She will be in her 50’s and she was looking pale with tired eyes.”

Kamal wandered around his mind and tried not to think of anything. He didn’t replied or asked any further questions to him.

“Kamal sir, are you there?”

“Yes Venu. Call me next time if she is coming again.”

“She will not come here again.”

“Why? What have you done? Did you complain to police for this silly incident?”

“No Kamal Sir, She gave me a bunch of letters and birthday cards and some dead, dried flowers and told me to pass a message to you…”

Kamal didn’t have the courage to hear or ask anything to him and he continued.

“…that she was wrong.”

“Do you know her?” Venu waited for a reply.

Kamal looked at his wife’s painting hanging over the picture window and sat back, looking at her…and he replied.

“Yes.”

continues…

Part 2

The Reply

(Kindly Read ‘Salad Days – The Answer | Part 1′ before Reading Part 2 – Click here to Read Part1)

That day, their band performed exceptionally well and the crowd cheered at the fabulous performance of Muthu. Karthik got his first kiss from Divya that night. Guru again proved that his team can perform the best. Ashwaty took Kamal’s gear and went around clicking loads of pics.

Every one forgot about one guy in their team…Kamal. He was not seen anywhere in the cafeteria. Slowly the celebration died out, Ashwaty started searching for Kamal again.

“Muthu, did you see Kamal.”

“Call him in his mobile. May be he went to have dinner.”

Ashwaty was sure that he will not have his dinner without her. Almost everyone left from the office and only the event organizers were left.

“His mobile is with me” Ashwaty replied back to Muthu in a hopeless voice.

Disturbing her thought, she saw Kamal’s mobile ringing. With a great hope she tried searching for his mobile in her bag. The call is from some unknown land phone number. Initially she refused to take the call, but when the same number rang for the second time, she thought Kamal may be calling from some Public booth which he used to do almost every weekend after having a heavy drink. Public telephone booth is a weakness for him. She thought of attending the call and blasts his ears.

“Hello…”

“Hello can I speak to Mr. Kamal”

She replied to the stranger on the other end of the line.

“I am afraid; he is not here with me now. Who is this?”

There was a quite a long silence from the other side and she started again.

“Hello… Who is this?”

“I am calling from ABS Bank, there was a card delivery in his name. Kamal has applied for a credit card and it’s been pending from our side for long. We are really sorry for the inconvenience caused. We are waiting near BDA Complex to hand over the card to him.”

Ashwaty got really mad after hearing the word “CREDIT CARD”. She got really irritated and replied.

“Do you people don’t have any time bound for disturbing people. Are you guys crazy…” Her anger of not finding Kamal passed on to the caller.

“We are really sorry for the inconvenience caused.”

There was a pause again, and the caller continued.

“Madam, Could you please confirm his residence address once more so that we can drop the card in his flat. We hope that would be fine and it will not disturb him.”

“He is not there right now” Ashwaty replied.

“We will be dropping the Card in the post box dedicated for his apartment. It will not be lost. Please confirm the Address.”

Ashwaty confirmed the address because she is also staying next to Kamal’s apartment.

“Thank you so much Madam. Sorry for the inconvenience caused”

“Ashwaty… who is on the line” She cancelled the call when she saw him from a distance.

“Oh Kamal… Is that you… the call was for you, I disconnected the call.” She got relieved by seeing Kamal and continued. “Don’t they have a time bound in disturbing people? You have to raise a complaint to the bank Kamal” All her anger died out eventually.

“What!!! Bank people… It’s 9 at night! Which bank people will call at this time? Are they crazy?” Kamal got confused.

“Yeah, they said, it’s from ABS Bank and the delivery was pending from their side for so long.”

“What ABS Bank Credit Card?, How can it be? I got the card last week and I used it once too.” Ashwaty got scared when he showed the platinum card from his wallet.

“Then who was that?” Kamal could see a tone of fear in Ashwaty’s eyes. To make the situation light Kamal started to push Ashwaty to the exit.

“Leave about all those crap, our guys are waiting down for the dinner.”

Ashwaty still was not ready to believe what was happening and she tried to settle down when they were having the lunch. Kamal could see a fear in her eyes and thought of something bad is going to happen was running through his mind. He tried to learn the call details from him mobile. She stayed closed to Kamal which she always felt a safer place to be.

That was a memorable day for all of them, they enjoyed the dinner and started moving to their shelters.

“I didn’t get my bike today, I am coming with you” He saw Ashwaty behind him when was searching for his bike in the parking lot.

They started from the office 30 min before midnight. Ashwaty always like to go in his bike everyday to office and back home without any formal invitation from him. He never said no to her, he like her company too. They both stay in the same street.

The night was colder than any other night in Bangalore and her mind was all the more disturbed by the incident which happened later that night. Kamal refusing to sing, later the call from some stranger for the credit card delivery. She held Kamal close to her. She had never done anything like that before. The bike slowed down and Kamal felt her warmth on his back. She held Kamal closer crossing her hand over his chest.

“Ashwaty, what happened?” Kamal responded to her action without giving any clue the incidents happened later that night.

“Can I stay with you tonight? My roommate had gone home.”

“Why you are feeling insecure”

“I am feeling alone here in Bangalore, I don’t have any Friends here” Ashwaty tried to convince him that she needs to stay with him tonight.

“Then think of me girl, I am staying here alone for almost 2 year now? Do I ever complaint? I have got you, Muthu, Guru…”

“Kamal, don’t you feel scared of staying alone.”

“I always think, any day while am coming back from office through this outer ring road, if something bad happened… no one is there to just ask for help. Only you guys”

“Shut up you… Concentrate on your driving.” She removed her hold from him and he laughed.

They both laughed, enjoyed that night drive back to home and spoke a lot so that she forget everything from her mind.

Finally they reached her apartment and Ashwaty was almost half slept.

“Ashwaty… home!”

“I am coming with you Kamal!”

“Don’t act like a Kid, go home…sleep well. I will wake you up tomorrow.”

She didn’t say a goodnight to him and open the huge gate to her apartment. He laughed on the way back to his apartment and told to himself, she loves me a lot.

Kamal reached the gate of his apartment which is at a short distance from her apartment. Kamal saw Ashwaty watching through her bedroom window from the second floor of her apartment and he replied her with a wave of his hand while sliding through the gate. The lights in her bedroom went off.

No lights were visible out of anyone’s apartment and the only source of light was the common street light standing next to his apartment.

“Kamal! Are you Mr. Kamal working for ACC Corporation.”He could make out that someone standing next to the parking lot inside his apartment. A sudden shock went through his body and turned back to get an image of face.

“Who are you?”

“Sir, we are from ABS Bank, Credit Card Delivery boys”

“But…”

“Sir, could you please come out so that you can sign the delivery slip from the bank”

He was not allowed to complete his question and could see his fingers pointing to a vehicle which was parked near to his apartment. He remembered Ashwaty telling about the call which she received later that day. But he remembered showing the Credit Card from Axis Bank too.

“You are from which bank?”

“ABS Bank Sir”

He confirmed that there is something going wrong here and he took his full courage to move out of the parking lot, out of his apartment so that he could see the face of the guy. He flick though her apartment to check if she is awake, but there was no sign of light or music out of her apartment which she used to do before going for sleep.

He stepped out of boundary wall of his apartment and tried to figure out the face of the person with which he was talking. Suddenly he got another call from someone sitting inside the vehicle parked opposite to his apartment. His attention went the opposite side of the street and in a split of second he was thrown down on his knees.

He cried out of pain. He has been hit by a hockey stick on his shoulders.

Few more people from the vehicle came out and started to tie his leg and hand. He started fighting them back but slowly the number on the other side outnumbered his strength. He cried loudly, suddenly someone tied his mouth so that he will not shout out of pain. They started beating him again hard, stamped on his body.

He cried louder when they stamp on his leg which was broken 1 yr before and they realized after seeing the mark of stitches on his right leg. They targeted his leg.

There were about 5-6 guys aged around mid twenties. He tried to get a look at the face of them but he couldn’t recognize any. He cried even louder out of the immense pain when they stamped on his broken leg.

He started to run slowly toward her apartment, tried everything to escape from their tortures. He lied down without any sign of fight back.

“Kamal! Kamal…No…no…” He could hear that shout from her apartment and saw the lights in her bed room.

Ashwaty raced down the stairs and when she reached in front of her gate the scene which she saw was different from the scene which she saw through her bed room window.

They have removed the cloth from his mount and saw someone pointing a gun on his head. She took all her strength and opened the gate without shouting or making any noise fearing that they will shoot at him and run away. She rushed towards him and falls on his bleeding body which was lying next to street light pole.

“No please don’t hurt him. Please don’t hurt him” She cried, pleaded to them. They took her away from him and she started shouting.

The guy with the gun came near her, pointing the gun towards him and said,

“Do you want him to live… then tell him not contact her or anyone in her family anymore? What is he thinking of himself, don’t try to be a savoir”

Kamal heard that very clearly and he could feel some sort of strength in him and started to scan the face.

“Vinod…” Kamal raised his voice for the first.

“Yes bastard, Vinod, first time huh. I had told you long back, dare you come back to her or dare to contact her anymore. I had told you that don’t make me react on your stupid psycho actions. You Dog…” and he pointed the gun again in his head.

Ashwaty was frozen when she heard Kamal calling that guy’s name and when she saw him pointing the gun again, she screamed from the other side of the street.

“No…Please… Don’t hurt Kamal”

“You Dog, you have got another girl and you are trying to play trick on my family and get her back with your fucking sympathy. You…You”, Vinod Charged towards her and screamed at Ashwaty.

“Tell your boy friend to stay away from her… She is asking for this bastard now…it all happened because of his actions and I am going to stop this forever. She is my wife and I will not allow her to contact you again… even if she likes to do that.”

Kamal looked at his eyes; after almost 2 year he got the answer from her. He could not believe what he heard, with a great relief he started to speak… “You will never understand her…”

Vinod raced towards him screaming, pointing the gun towards him. Ashwaty cried loudly looking at the people looking out of their apartment window. Seeing Vinod and gun in his hand, every one stood frozen and started to shout to distract him. Few called up police and few came down to see what’s happening on their neighborhood.

“I will kill you bastard…”Vinod yelled at him. The other guy who was holding Ashwaty yelled at Vinod to kill him and to leave from here before the neighbors attack them. Vinod saw his friends getting in the vehicle and they waited him to have an end to the story. They yelled again to kill him.

“No… Don’t kill him” Ashwaty screamed and held tight on his body.

Vinod could see neighbors going up towards him… saw Kamal’s bleeding leg and shoot at his right leg, above the knee.

“Nooo…Go away…Don’t kill him” Ashwaty cried.

Kamal cried out of pain and neighbors shouted for help and Vinod held Kamal and Ashwaty together and said looking at his eyes for the last time,

“I am leaving you now… you will never see her again.”

Vinod flew away with his friends and Kamal lied down on Ashwaty’s lap crying under the street light.

He looked at Ashwaty and whispered.

“Finally she replied…”

Continues…

Part 1

The Answer

23rd December, 2009
ACC Corporation, Campus 2A,
Bangalore.

“Hello… Hello…” Ashwaty started shouting on her mobile. All she could hear was the cheer of the crowd from the other end. She could feel the same heat standing 8 floors below. There was a feeling of freedom in every faces when she entered the office.

“Where the hell are you… Hello”. There was no answer from the other side.

“Did you see Kamal” Ashwaty started asking to almost everyone coming across her way. She couldn’t find any face answering her question. People started asking between themselves, who is he?

“Kamal… Kamal…” Ashwaty started shouting on her way to cafeteria located at the 8th floor. People really didn’t care about what she was shouting rather every one’s attention was on the Digital SLR hanging over her breast. Her colleagues stopped her for to have a closer look at the camera and to have a shot in their best party dress.

She escaped from all of them replying with her animated fiery look. They don’t know how impatient Ashwaty is in this matter. She don’t even care what people think about her, she needs an answer from someone. She is angry for pulling herself on the event which will happen in few minutes.

“I hate him… I will smash his Ass… let me find him…” She wouldn’t mind calling the 3 letter restricted word in the campus, even though the lift was full. She started scolding Kamal even more in the lift. People in the lift got scared and a pregnant lady dropped out of the life in the mid way thinking that she can erupt at any time.

“Hey you are trying to find out Kamal, He was waiting for you in the bay few minutes back. I guess now he might have gone to report for the event” That was avinash, from her project.

“What Fuck… why you can’t tell me this early… I was searching for him for the last 20 minutes and he…”

“8th Floor. Doors Opening”

That was an escape message for the rest of the people in the life from Ashwaty.

She didn’t wait for any response from Avinash. She pushed everyone in the lift, throwing herself out to the door leading to the cafeteria.

The day was special for ACC Corporation and to the people working there. As the annual ACC Corporation Great Place to work events were going on in cafeteria, she entered the Cafeteria shouting for Kamal.

Her voice died out soon by hearing the cheers and the sound of DJ. She lost all her hope of finding Kamal after seeing the crowd covering almost the entire cafeteria.

“How the fuck am I supposed to find him from this crow.” She told to herself helplessly.

Accenture cafeteria in Campus 2A was one of the biggest among all Accenture Cafeteria and it has got a size of 2 hockey court. But today you cannot even find space to put your carom board to play a doubles.

ACC Corporation Great Place to work event was one such event which will happen once in a year where every individual/family in ACC Corporation participate irrespective of the age/team/gender/skill or Project they belong to. Even if someone can shout by standing in the center of the stage is recognized from the next day onwards in the office.

“Kamal…Hey…” Finally she got a peek of him somewhere in the crowd and she rushed without even blinking her eyes shouting for his attention until she saw him practicing with his group near the alu chat counter where there were fewer crowds.

“Hey Ashwaty… Where the hell were you? We thought you will never make it here.”

“Hey did they call our name for the event”

“Hey, forgot to tell you… Kamal got as an extension and we will be performing only last.” – Muthu sighed at her with a relief in his sound. He is the drummer in that group. A born performer, lacking in confidence.

“Oh Fuck. You will never grow. You nuts…This is not a competition duffer.” – Ashwaty shouted with a relief.

“Just see how people will look at you appearing on that stage today. Here is your gear, I almost thought of throwing this off when the public focus on this crap turned to my boobs”

“This is not the way to carry the SLR, give it to me…let me go around and click some pics.” Kamal took the camera from her neck and started looking around for his first shot of his day.

“Are you crazy, we all are assembled for you, for your come back and you look so cool in today’s event?”

“Can you find a better place for us to run through before giving a flop performance tonight” – Guru finally had his say in the group. He is considered to be the decision maker in the team and everyone simply obeys his decision.

“Yes! Let’s move to our bay, I have kept the drums and my laptop for the mixing” Karthik is the junior most in the team and today is an important day in his life to strike a golden goal on his girl friend.

“Is Divya waiting for you in the Bay” – Ashwaty enquired to Karthik.

On the slip of his tongue he told yes and the group had the first laugh of the day.

“Hey guys… Cheers…” adjusting the focus of the camera…he had the first snap of the day with his gear.

They moved down to 4th floor leaving behind the roaring crowd and their competitors. They are performing today not for winning any prize or for recognition but to give the best support for the comeback of their best friend, Kamal.

On the way down, Ashwaty noticed Kamal cracking jokes and passing comments on every girls climbing up the stairs. She is confused… Kamal was not the person which she saw yesterday night after the practice. He almost cried to her to cancel today’s event. What might have happened to him, is he jesting around, is he hiding something, is he really interested in the event or not? She thought.

Everyone swiped in through the security sealed glass bay, but Ashwaty held Kamal back forcefully asking others to make the arrangements.

“Whats wrong, I don’t understand head and tail of your character. You were not like this yesterday night after the practice. Do you really like to call off this even or do you still want to go for it.” She shouted at him outside the bay entrance.

“Give me an answer, we all planned for this just because to help you to bring back the sleeping talent in you. Do you really want to go for it?” She started staring at his eyes for an answer.

“No…” Kamal replied.

“What! Repeat… I said Repeat” She pulled him close to her and said,
“Repeat that again…”

“No Ashwaty, I can’t”

“Then why the hell are you playing around with them. Why do you want to give them a hope? They all are here for you. I am here for you. Why are you doing this to us…?”

“I really don’t know, I don’t want to bring back those days. I need to forget everything. This band, music, rock were my world once, now I need an escape from this.”

“You are again telling me the same dialogues what you told me the other night, what do you want to forget… what is there in singing a song.”

“You don’t understand Ashwaty, I can’t tell you the whole of my life to you, and you are not the one for that.” He turned away from her.

“Then why can’t you tell us this before setting up all our practice sessions… before bring all these instruments just for this event. Why…” She stopped when she realized that he was not listening to her.

“OK, I will go and tell to them. I can find a reason. They will believe me.”

“No, don’t do that. I have already informed the event organizer to remove our team from the event.”

“Do they know about this, then why did Muthu told that we got an extension.” Ashwaty came closer to him.

“I lied to them.”

“They are still under hope that we are going to play today. It’s just 3 in the afternoon and if willing our event can be held as the final event at 8. Or don’t give them a hope. I am going to tell them, I can find a reason.”

She started to move inside the bay, but he stopped her from swiping her access card.

“No Ashwaty”

“What the hell are you planning then…” She shouted at her top of the voice this time forcing Kamal to release the hold from her hand.

“I can’t hurt them. They are what I have got in my life today. I don’t want to lose them.” Kamal moved out.

“Look Kamal, Muthu is looking for his best performance for the first time in this office. For Karthik will definitely get hurt if you do this to him, he is hoping for a change to his life through this. Guru will never be with us, if you do to him” she tired convince him finally.

“Guru can understand me, he know me…only he can understand me. He knows that I am doing this for you all.” Kamal stopped at her pray.

Suddenly Muthu opened the security door to the bay and looked puzzled looking at Ashwaty pleading to Kamal.

“Hey…Hey…Hey… Common guys. Ashwaty, no need to plead to him. He will agree” Muthu had seen Ashwaty pleading at Kamal.

It gave a shock to both Ashwaty and Kamal.

Did he hear what we were talking here? They both start thinking the same.

Kamal turn toward Muthu and said,

“Muthu… see…”

“No man, I can understand. No one is against this. Because both of you are the perfect match in our project. Everyone knows about this. And Ashwaty, there is no point in pleading. You are beautiful and he will be always lucky to have you in his life.”

A great sign of relief passed on to both of them, even though they didn’t understand what he was talking about.

“Come on guys, we all are expecting you in the bay. Everything is ready. Let’s rock n roll”

Kamal and Ashwaty stood there without any emotions in their face. Unable to react to the situation.

“What are you still thinking about; all these can be done after today’s event. This is our day. Kamal, this is your day. I guarantee you both. Come in, Divya is waiting for my performance.” Karthik yelled from inside.

Muthu went inside expecting them to join the group for the final round of practice.

Ashwaty took his hand, held closer to her and said, “Let’s do this. Let’s do this for the last time. Let’s do this for our FRIENDS.”

Continue…

Yeah there is nothing wrong in keeping the CAT online next year also but what about those 2.4 lacs students whose career is at stake on this year’s cat.

Mr. Rai you are just concerned about people who couldn’t give exam because of technical problems but you are not at all concerned about people who gave exam in such chaotic situation.
Do you think the results of this year will be fair where few people are getting advantage just because they booked evening slot and questions from morning slot are repeating in evening slot or because they have taken later dates and questions are almost of same pattern in all the papers.

In an exam like cat even if 5-6 questions are repeated and if someone knows it (which anyone can easily because just an agreement of not disclosing any information or questions cant stop people discussing it) it makes a lot of difference.

CAT was famous for its authenticity and it’s fairness. But now it has just become a luck game. If you r lucky enough that you will not face any technical issues or you have booked an evening slot where at least 5-6 questions will be repeated from morning slot you have better chances of getting good percentile. But if you are brilliant enough to clear exam easily but unlucky enough that your system got shutdown in between the exam twice or thrice because of which u could’t attempt 3-4 questions you are out of the race.

Mr. Rai if you are reading this then please think about all these issues once again and then only take any decision. Infact better take a proper decision for this year’s cat then only think how it should be next year.

- by Aswathy

After hearing the news, he was hit by whirlpool of pains many a times during his initial months. A period which he never liked to remember. 4 Years – filled with memories. That’s quite a long one. And he knew that erasing one by one will be a task which he believed to be close to impossible. He tried to rely on the super power who build the earth and heaven…he tried each day and failed. He started hating himself for trusting in that power. Like the Newton’s 3rd law, more he tried to erase the memories, more it haunted him again and again.

A break in his life is what he always wished for. When he had the accident, which according to him is god given gift, the first thought came to his mind was about taking a break from his normal routine. He might have thought that, staying with his family could make a good change in his life… but he was wrong. The accident which made him handicapped for few months might have gifted with pain which according to him is affordable. But the accident in his life made him completely handicapped.

That month every one celebrated Christmas. He asked his dad to decorate the house and garden with stars and light for his younger sister and asked to throw a party to all of his cousins. His dad decided to gift his son one of the best Christmas and he took off from his business to make it possible. Lying on the bed he watched his dad running like a small child through the garden to put lights on almost every tree. On the Christmas eve, he saw the series light flashing from one end of his garden to the other, but he never understood the patter in which the light are programmed to flash. His dad kept a Christmas crib, decorated with lights, at the center of the garden in such an angle possible for his son to see the baby Jesus day and night.

His family celebrated Christmas that night with friends, cousins and kids. His room was filled with visitors and every one exchanged smiles with him. The Christmas night, he was left alone in the room and his parents had gone for the mid night prayers at church. The reflection of red, green, yellow, orange and blue lights from his garden filled his room which formed images of his past Christmas. He cried looking at the Christmas crib… he didn’t want to give a reason for his cry, but he hopped for a Christmas light in his life.

His pain did not concentrate to himself; it affected his family in one or the other way. He had seen his mother crying at night, sitting on the edge of his bed rubbing his leg, with her eyes faced up and lips moving with prayers. He didn’t have words to consolidate his mother as he knew the reason for their suffering is he himself. He tried to show his happy face in front of them but they could see their son crying within.

Few months later, he left to other city where he was working…hoping for a new start. But sooner or later, he realized that he was alone in the deserted island, no one to ask help for, no shoulders to cry, no one to talk, no one to laugh, no one to share…for first time he felt the room where he was staying alone as a prison. He used to write on the full length mirror placed on the closed cupboard – ‘HELL ON EARTH’. His eyes were tired of crying and he never felt the warmth of his tears any more.

Months passed by and his boredom had reached a level where he saw the lights of NO Hope. He started writing…he gave name to himself, he created characters duplicating him, he created location, he created scenes to describe his life and pain he had gone through and called his writings as ‘My Mistakes’.

The world started reading his writings and passed on comments to him…good and bad… but he never cared for their comments. He never counted the number of reader or their comments but he was shouting his pains to the world since he had no one to share. He never quit writing, days after day… months after months… he published new stories which was welcomed by a group of regular readers and praised him for his imagination. He laughed from within and thanked them.

But for him the days were all same. To develop more ideas and give life to his characters, he accompanied cigarette and drinks. He remembered that day when he participating in a rally conducted by the Church Sunday school, standing in the front row and shouting messages to spread the harmful effects of Drinking and Smoking. He looked at himself on the mirror and laughed at his reflection… the vision was blocked by smog and saw a man destroying there but couldn’t stop it. His parents became worried about the drastic change in his son; they found cigarette packets and match boxes from his bag whenever he used to visit home.

He slowly started focusing on his job which he never liked to do, but a 9 hrs in his office was the best time he had during those days… he started enjoying the companies of his colleagues and his regular readers in his office. Weekends he spends on imagination for his new story. He never left his small room to visit any of his friends staying near to him…the ghostly images of his past accompanied him day and night. Advices and consolations flowed like an avalanche, from parents, cousins, friends and strangers. Nothing stopped him from writing or sharing his pains.

Soon after re-joining his office, he wrote 10 Dreams which he would like to full fill with in next 6 months. First being, He needs to find someone – a Friend, lover, supporter and a partner for his life. He used to take a pause at his unfulfilled first dream and stare for few minutes at those words whenever he re-visits the diary every month. He almost tried to forget his wish for a Friend for his life. Months passed by, the intensity of his pains slowly reduced but the sudden un-invited visits of his old memories remained with him as an invisible cancer cell killing the patient bit by bit.

A day came in his, where he started watching her. He had never seen her before… may be she was born on that day. He started observing her every day, he couldn’t see anyone else around… a sharp focus on her. He asked to himself, why she?

That night, when he sat in front of his laptop to open a new story, the images of her started rushing to his mind. He slept on the chair listening to some blue songs playing from behind. The next day when he woke up, the decided to meet her…but failed. From then, he started to office early to find her timings and location…but failed. She was the only girl who used to take dinner from the office cafeteria and he tired to meet her every day…but failed. When he returned from office to his room, he started observing those ghostly images replaced with some blurred images of her… days after day the images started visible and clear. He started filling colors in those images. He wrote that day, looking at those images… ‘Route No. 20‘, which turned to be one of his best writing till day.

The day which he was waiting for the last 8 months finally arrived on that weekend. He always wished to show himself to someone on that day as a sign of sincerity and love. But he still doesn’t know, what made him to change his mind. Instead 2 days before the due day, he decided to meet her for dinner. He introduced himself to her and shared a link on his writing which he had written about her. The morning of the day which he decided to leave the town to the other town to meet someone, he received an e-mail from the girl with which he shared the link.

It read,
“I had read that post written about me almost 10 times and I laughed each time more than the previous read. I liked your writing and…the one who is writing too.”

I never turned back thinking about my past, she was always there for me since then. When I shared the blue diary with her and showed my first dream which I had written 10 months back, I said… and here you are…my dream…the god given gift. I stopped writing few months back for her…a night when she called me and cried asking to stop writing about her as she was not able to focus on her studies. I stopped all my writing as I didn’t had to write any more. I had already shared my life and pains to her and now why should I share the same to someone else. After long days of discussion, understanding and acceptance.. We finally decided at the end of a journey to start our journey for a new life.

There is no miracle… what I learned from my painful one year was…how to be independent…how to face the real world…and how to live. She gave me the light of hope which I wished in my life and we both are trying our best to keep it glowing. We now understand that there can be hurricanes and heavy showers which can blow off any thing… but we hope and pray to face these ups and down together as long as possible.

I got a bunch of loving and caring friends in my life due to my writing and she encouraged me to be back on track and asked me to start writing for them. And here I am, for my entire loving bunch of friends and to my dear Ashwaty. This is me and my life again to you all… from now own.

It was 19:30, traffic was heavy and my vision was getting blurred, I moved to the left most lane of the road, but still I couldn’t control my ride back home. I couldn’t see anything in front of me. I stopped under a tree where there was no street light, wiped off my tears and stood there for some time. No one noticed me, neither I didn’t tried to get others attention.

I was the most relieved person in this world today, I had never opened myself to any one… not even to my loving mom. Today when I did in front of her, I felt that I was telling to myself. My short life story. I never wished to share this to her or any one, but I never want her to realize this late. If not she,  who will understand this part of my life? The reason for me being happy… the reason for writing… the reason for laughing… the reason for everything. Yes, it was her. I never expected anything in return from her, neither she didn’t replied anything to it. She always wanted to hear that from me, she always loved to listen to me… and I loved to share. I don’t know why I shared this to her even I knew that she is not going to be a part of my life. A person who is truly dedicated to her dream.

I really respect her for the passion, struggle and hard work to achieve the dream. What had I done till this point of my life to be proud of … got a job, wrote some crap sentimental stories in this blog… took some pictures…. Got some comments for it….What else. Had I dreamed of achieving anything for my life? Look at her, she had dropped the biggest offer which any girl could think of… Just for her dream. After few years I too will get married to some strangers from the market and have some kids and will become a family person. Then what… Is that what I want to achieve in my life. I may write some more stories, may publish a book with a crap love story exposing my life to the public, may click some more high altitude pictures and get some comments from all friends and strangers. Is that what I need? When she told me about the qualifications of her dream person of her life… I couldn’t even dream of telling her that I love her. Why am I like this? Why am I doing this? Am I consolidating myself? Am I buying happiness from others? Am I someone special to have always happiness in my life? Why can’t I understand that I am just a human being with a life span of just a soap bubble in this universe?

Somewhere in my mind, it always says that I failed in my life… and is that what pulling me back. I don’t want to think of past, gone are still gone… they can’t make any difference to my life.

When I moved through the road, after dropping her back home…I saw the street kids selling torch pen at the signal. They are struggling to live in this world. They may be orphans, with no proper house to stay, no proper food, but still they struggle to survive. They are used to the fiery look and abuse from the public, but still they struggle to be happy. Am I struggling at least this? Sitting on the 4th floor of an MNC, wearing branded attires and without even realizing the pain of sweat… I work there for earning a 5 figure salary. Am I struggling … Am I happy. I do no good to the society, I display my own stupid sentimental life in different posts… with different characters… with different back grounds and my fellow readers appreciate for my creativity of writing, without even realizing that it was my own personal life written over here. Am I happy for what I write here? Am I achieving anything here? How long will I act to be happy? How long I will buy happiness from others. I don’t have any answers. Because I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to sweat. I don’t want to take pain. I want to be happy without pain. And I am writing my pains in this blog to be happy from the comments I get… How long? As long as your heart says that you are failed in your life. I don’t know how to help myself. Can any one help me… No one can understand me. I don’t know if some miracle could happen to my life. I don’t wish… I don’t dream. I am just living.

Today is the 9th day of Dasara…”The festival of Joy”… Celebration of victory of happiness over evil…”remover of bad fate”… I laugh at myself, looking at those highlighted words… Joy… Happiness… huh. Where am I now… at least I am happy that someone in this world know about me as far as I know. But am I really happy for that… Huh. Tomorrow is a day where everyone chooses for a new beginning…new start. Even I am trying to be one.

This is my last post or any sort of writing for my blog…and will return once I find true happiness in my life. To those who are laughing at this, I would say, that you are lucky enough to be what you are, rest… love me as long as you can. As long as I don’t find my happiness, there is no point in writing anything to “The Pursuit of my Life”. To my fellow readers, I really appreciate your comments and suggestions. I no longer want to share my life in any twisted form to any one… who ever who wants to know about me, I have written enough here without even editing, they can read my life and “my mistakes”.

I am happy that she knows all about my life and the reason for me being happy once again in my life. I am sure that she will argue with me for taking this harsh decision, but I hope she can understand me. I need to learn a lot from you before you leave dear. I don’t know how will my life react to one more loss, but I will not regret. The time is very limited.

Thanks to you all…my beloved.

- Arun

(Before Reading the last post of the series, Kindly read “Who is the Villain? – Blue“ for the continuity)

“I think…I am disturbing your sleep. I will move to my berth so that you can sleep.”
She stopped as if she is has woke up from a bad dream. I realized that she didn’t wanted to share anything to me, but was confessing to herself about some bad thing which she has done to her life. I was so curious and asked.

“What!!!”
I decided not to sleep with out listening to her completely.

“Then what happened to Shyam? Why are you like this then?
I sounded so curious to know from her but…

“Nothing Arun, I should not have told you all these!”

“What do you mean? I can help you if you need?
I never want to help her but wanted to have this conversation continue.

She took a minute and continued.
“I am here in Chennai in search of Shyam. I left my home last year and was staying with my cousin here in Chennai. My uncle working in your company gave me this job. I didn’t wanted to work but I was forced. Forced to change my life as they realized my present situation. Forced to stop me in thinking of him.”

“And did you find him? What happened to your relation before coming here?”
I started asking more and more question for which she has got her answers ready.

“I was spoiled in the happiness of my life. I never consider him anymore as my Shyam. I started finding friends in my job were I was working in my city. I found happiness every where and one day I fall in love with someone who made me laugh and retained my happiness.”

“Loved someone?”
I was surprised by her answer.

“Yes, some one who promised me to make me happier and when I shared with him about Shyam, he proved himself to be a better person. I tried to find ways to get away from Shyam.”

“How Cheap?”
Yes I said that, I really said that finally. I wanted to blame her for loosing him when she find pleasure in someone else.

“Yes Arun, it was cheap. It was late for me when I realized that he was using me for his happiness.”

“But, why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” She cried for the first time in that journey.

I didn’t wanted to continue with her, I stood up and walked away from her. She didn’t even noticed me. I opened the door of my coach and went outside to have some fresh air. How can girls be like this? Cheat someone when they found happiness in others. I am not supporting Shyam, there can be un-expressed reasons for her to leave him. I am not asking a girl to end her life for just single person, but everything gets a different meaning when she is love with someone for no reason. I just opened the main door of my compartment and sat on the entrance. I tried to stop think.

I sat there for quite a long time and when my eyes started fighting for a sleep, I returned to my berth. She had already slept and I sat there on my birth so some more time. I was not thinking, I had some fear. I don’t know what I am feared of but I was having trouble to sleep, still some questions un-answered.

I woke up in the morning and searched for her. Her birth was vacant and she was supposed to get down after me. I enquired about her to the passengers in the same cabin but they didn’t give me any clue.

I reached my station, took an auto and targeted my home. That night, I celebrated my parents 25th Wedding anniversary. Even they had a love marriage and now its been 25 years. I have seen then happy, fighting, sad… but all were part of life. They never searched for an alternative when they had bad times. I still remember when I recovered a bunch of letters from my mom’s secret suitcase and when she realized that I have seen the secret place, she had completely re-located those letters to some other place. And till now I was not able to find that place. Those where my parents love letters.

They lived in a time where there were no phones, no mobiles and they being from two different cities. And to my mom those letters are more than what she is living for. I don’t have any clue how they met and loved. But today when they celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, I could see the love in them when they met for the first time in their life.

When Rekha had a bad moment in her life when she re-discovered happiness back in her family, she left Shyam. Every person, including my mom might had such kind of bad happenings in their life. But she still loved one person and that is my dad.

Now who is the villain here. Is it the modern world which gave the liberty to stay in touch even if you are far away. Or is it her papa. Is it the physical distance which separated Shyam and Rekha, Is it money, Is it someone who made her laugh at some point of time in her life or Is it Shyam. I don’t know Rekha, I don’t know Shyam and I don’t know their family. But I think here the villain is Rekha herself for choosing her life the way she wants. For choosing the freedom, happiness and love she wants. Every human being has got the freedom to choose their way of happiness but do we really need to break that at the first time. When she felt cheated by her second lover, she tries to go back to her old lover. Is it fair? I don’t know, I am not her to judge any one.

Finally I went back to Chennai on Monday and there after I have never seen Rekha in my office. After few months I heard that she had resigned and no one knows where she is now. I enquired with couple of her colleagues and no one cared to find an answer for me. Because no one know who she was, why she was here in this foreign city, why she was sad. My mind was disturbed with many thoughts those days and I finally decided to write about her.

I hope she will read this some day and she will come back and explain rest of her life, in another journey of life. I am waiting…

(Before Reading this post, Kindly read “Who is the Villain? – Papa“ for the continuity)

As one of my regular reader Jane has commented on my first post about Murphy’s Law, I think that it is the best way to explain the final parts of my story.

Murphy’s Extended Law State: “If a series of events can go wrong, they will do so in the worst possible sequence.”

Shyam can be her boyfriend and he might had dumped her. Or her parents are not willing to marry their daughter to him because of very many reasons. I started thinking of various reason for her present situation but nothing was clear from her. I still don’t understand the sudden change of her father behavior towards her and her family. If a person is harming her in such way then why is she saying that she still loved her father. I was not so curious to listen to a normal love story ending with a guy dumping her, I knew the obvious reason for her depression and I carelessly listen to her silly story.

“We both were in the same college for just 6 months. A time short duration in my life for friendship, time for sharing pain, time for love, time for parting. He was a normal guy with full of love in his heart, an innocent guy who don’t even know my past. I never allowed him to explore my past…I just don’t want to share anything of mine to him, because I was scared of loosing him…loosing my freedom.”

“I don’t know why I went to his home that day, we both were mad for love those days and I don’t want to miss a single day seeing him. I knew him more that he wants me and I never allowed him to feel sad for me.”

I felt some sort of feeling in my mind for she being so open to me, I felt shy, I didn’t want to look at her and I wonder why she is opening her personal life to me. But she never showed any sort of shyness in her talks. But soon I realized that she was not talking to me but she was talking to herself.

“A night which I cannot forget in my life… I sinned. Against my body, against myself, against my Papa.”

She gave me a doubtful look at me as if she was not intended to say her last sentence.

“It was my mistake, I was in search of my pleasure… in search of my love… in search of my freedom. I was expelled from my college when my mistake got revealed publicly. I felt the heaviness of my Papa’s hand when it struck my face on that day before leaving from my college. My Shyam continued to study in that college facing all the dishonor from the teachers and his friends.”

“Why he was allowed to continue his education in that college, why only you got crucified?”
I was not supposed to ask anything to her, but when I found injustice in their decision, I was forced to question.

“Will you allow you child to continue your education in a college where you are asked to prove the virginity of your daughter. My Papa didn’t had any option rather than accepting the decision from the college management.”

No… I shouted to myself, I prayed that I had never met her in my life. It was painful, it was shameful, it was inhuman, it was mad… I want an escape from her, I wish I could throw myself out of the running train. I rather felt for Shyam, for his fate to continue in that college. She never looked at me, she never stopped her conversation and she never stopped her confession.

“With my Papa’s influence in politics, I was able to continue my education in a new Engineering college far from Shyam. I joined the new college for him, to see him, lived for his love, lived for my freedom. He gave me the strength to breath, to live and to dream. ”

“I never had any dream in my life, I never studied, I lived for his sound…rather we lived for each other. But slowly the distance played a crucial role in our relation, It was hard for him to travel 3 hr on every weekend to share time with me just till the daylight ends. I had to wait for his call to hear his voice, I didn’t had enough money to call him. He started showing his anger on me for the loss of love and freedom we had in my first college.”

Even I had felt love and I have expressed love to someone in my life, but I have never understood the depth of love to the level she expressed. She was mad about him, they were made for each other. I waited for her to continue.

“When we finished our Engineering degree, I was left with many papers un-cleared . But he found a new job and joined a new city to start a new life. I still remember him saying to me – “What ever happened between us, trust me I will come back to you”. And he did, he earned money, he was happy, he loved me more than ever, he started showing up frequently and we made love. We didn’t had anything in our mind, just love.”

“My Papa found me a job in the city and it gave me the freedom to arrange for meeting even in my city. But the distance continues to be an empty space between us. Slowly I started showing my restlessness to have him in my life. I didn’t wanted to work, I didn’t wanted to clear my papers, I just wanted to be with him. I never had any shortage of money, we had a common account which gave me the freedom to re-charge my mobile to call him and to join job oriented coaching classes.”

I had lot many questions to ask her but she was reading my mind and answering them. I sat besides her like a small child listening to the bed time stories told by his grandmother.

“After so many year my Papa took my family to the city for shopping. We were so happy, happiness filled our home and my prison house turned back to be a home, my bro

ther started sharing his love to my Papa, every one including my mom was happy with the change. It was a miracle, we started having dinner together, started praying together.

“I started missing most of Shyam’s calls. At some point of time, I never felt the pain of missing Shyam in my life.”

Continues

(Before Reading this post, Kindly read “Who is the Villain? – The Journey Begins” for the continuity)

“What did you say just now.”

She was looking out and was talking to my reflection seen on the glass window

“May be you can help me. Will you write about me in your blog?

“I… am…”
She didn’t allowed me to complete and she continued.

“At least you can listen to me this night.”
She turned to me and I could read her eyes. I could see the urge from her look to listen to her.

“But what can I do by listening to you?” I was totally confused the way she was talking to me and that too we have never met before anywhere in/outside the office.

“I don’t know why I want to tell you this, but if I am not able to convince him this time, I will never come back to Chennai… I will end my life.” I could feel the determination and feel of depression in her sound.

“What!!!” I turned off my iPod and I clung on to my seat.
“What are you telling? Convince Who? I don’t write anything like this in my blog?”

For a moment I cursed my blog and my writings. I was showing all sort of discomfort but she didn’t even care to notice me. She was looking out through the window and continued her talk.

“The last two weekends I went home because some guys wanted to meet me who were interested in marrying me.”

“They didn’t like you? Is that the matter?”

“They liked me…our family… our money”
She replied by picking up each word giving an unique meaning.

“Then.. You didn’t like them”

“I don’t have any words in my family today. They need to get me married. Even I was ready…”

“Then what…” Then I asked the obvious reason. “Is money the problem.”

She looked at me and her every look gives me an heavy impression on my mind, which I was not willing to receive.

“Today If my dad could sell me to any one, he could have done that at any cost.”
she paused for a minute and continued.
“But I still love my dad as I did when I was at 10.”

I was not interested in continuing the talk with her as I realized that she was really depressed. I have seen so many similar cases. Some going in to depression due to love failure, due to lack of love from their parents, when they cant achieve the aim they dreamed for, due to constant rejection from the society and friends. I concluded hers to be a similar case.

What could a girl in Indian society can do, if no one is there to support her or help her to come out of the depression. She cant drink or smoke like a guy, she can’t take drugs to defeat the depression which was dancing over her. And it was an obvious decision which she told me few minutes back, Suicide. I cant do anything at this point of time. Am no where related to her and biggest truth is I cant help her with my silly blog.

But the biggest question which was pointing over me was, being a beautiful, bright girl, working for a famous MNC… what could have happened to her. I didn’t allow my brain to think and I really want to excuse from her conversion for my sleep.

“I still love my papa” She repeated the same thing again and again.

“Do you know Arun, I use to Iron my papa’s Jubba when I was at the age of 10 and he liked my special ironing so much. I have never Iron my cloth till then, I will only do it to for my papa. And when ever he used to forget our cars key, he used to call me, Rekha…. And I could hint from the tone that I need to get him the keys. My Elder sister always complaint for my papa’s special care towards me. My younger brother was very small and ours was a small happy family.”

I could see a different Rekha when she started talking about her papa. She smiled when she mimicked the way her dad used to call her and she was all together a different Rekha. It didn’t went too far, she returned to her old depression mode and continued.

“But it didn’t last long. The first storm of setback happened when I was at the age of 13. My dad had an accident and he was bedfast for more than a year. Our family including my mom, my elder sister and my brother suffered alike during that period. My dad lost his job, we didn’t had any one ask for help. We had to depend on his friends and our relatives.

She stopped for a second and looked at me with tears filled eyes

“I don’t know Arun, what happened since then. My papa was not the same old papa. He hardly talks to us, he hardly calls my name, he stopped praying, he stopped going to church with us on Sundays, he changed a lot after that accident. My mom turned to prayers which my papa hated and he used to fight with my mom. But she encourages us to follow her very strictly. My sister and me concentrated in our studies and my poor brother had never felt love or affection from my papa. My brother started behaving very oddly to us and we started noticing his odd behavior which resulted him to depression at a very early age.”

For the first time In that journey I started thinking If I could do something to help her in some way. I had never heard such miserable life of anyone till that point of my life. I waited for her to continue.

“My papa recovered from the accident and he started going out to city for search of job. He used to return with some of his friends each day and they used to have loud talks in my papas room. Papa never had a job there after, we never asked his source of income. But we lived without any shortage. To my papa, his friends turned to be more important than us, he used to leave home and never used to tell where he was going and we use to live in terror during those night when he never returns home. We never went out for movies, we had never seen city during my childhood days, we have never seen the sun rise and sun set outside my compound, the maximum we were allowed to commute was till church and back home. I felt my home like a prison, we never had breakfast together, we never had dinner together, we never shared anything to any one.”

I still remember the day when my dad took me to the beach near my town to show the sun set, it was so beautiful. I still remember the huge red sun getting swallowed by the ocean. I wanted to show her the beauty of sun set, I wanted to tell her how did I felt when I saw the sun set for the first time. I prayed, oh god what had happened to her family.

“It was the year 1999, I was having my first subject exam for my 10th grade state examination. I was returning home with my sister and my younger brother. The scene which I saw was my dad being arrested and questioned by a group of police in our compound and my dad arguing to their every questions. We ran inside the house and our papa didn’t even looked at us. My brother cried a lot that day and I was only 15 then, What should I had done to help my brother understand that nothing was happening. Tell me Arun, what would you have done If you had seen your papa like that.”

I was helpless, I was out of words, I just sat and saw her eyes. She didnt cry, she didn’t had any emotions in her face, she just asked an Obvious question to me. Not that it was impossible to imagine the confusion and helplessness Rekha described. The family, the brother, the sudden change of her loving father, her loving papa being questioned, – how could the situation have been easy? The train halted in a major station and I wished she could relax a bit.

“I don’t know what had happened, even till today I never asked my mom what had happened. My mom didn’t cry in front of us that day, she gave me all the courage to face the fate of our family. I appeared for my 10th grade exams under stress and we were having constant torture from the police and his friends. I skip my dinner to save for my brother, me and my sister slept under a single bed and allowed my mom to sleep with my brother.”

“My papa never spoke to us since then about the incidents and neither we asked him. My brother was good at studies and later he continued to show the symptoms of depression which we hardly given importance. We all were suffering equally, we consider my brothers change as a result of the mishaps which occurred to our family. We tried to convince ourselves this as a natural change. Some time later I heard from my relatives that my papa was cheated by some of his friends on the property where we are living currently and the civil case for our property continued till I was in my first year of engineering.”

“I left my parents and my loving brother to join an engineering college far away from my native place. My sister had done the same when she was choosing her degree college. Even I followed her. Far from my home, far from my papa.. Far from my loving papa. I wanted to start a new life, I studied hard for my examination but the constant visit of my papa and enquiry about my availability in my hostel annoyed my friends and the professors staying in the same hostel.”

“One day he came to my hostel, drunk, to see me. It was a Sunday and I had gone for my Sunday mass. When I returned I saw him fighting with the security guard in front of my hostel. My initial days in my college was very miserable, I was known for my papas frequent visit and calls made to my hostel. I never felt freedom in my life during my initial days of engineering.”

“But God was not cruel to me as toward my papa. He introduced him to my life. Shyam, who showed me what freedom was.  I felt freedom, I saw freedom and I loved freedom for the first time in my life.  I was 19 then.”

Continues

The bag which was hanging over my shoulder was heavy and this is the consecutive 3rd weekend trip in a month to my native. A busy month with marriages, birthdays and anniversary. I was running, sprinting and sometimes flying over the Taramani road targeting Thiruvanmayur Suburban Railway Station to catch the 19:10 sub-urban train. I have got my ticket reserved for Chennai mail which is scheduled at 18:05. If I miss the sub-urban train at 19:10, the only other option is to wait for the next train which is at 19:30. A sharp 20 minutes journey from Thiruvanmayur to reach the Park Town station. The only way to catch my train is to Teleport myself form the Park Town Station to Chennai Central Station. A margin of 15 minutes which according to my present condition, was IMPOSSIBLE to achieve. If I miss my train, I will not be able to celebrate my parents 25th Wedding anniversary.

Finally I reached the end of the queue 5 minutes before the 19:10 train for journey ticket and looking at the length of the queue, I realized that I will not make to my home this time. My eyes started searching for any familiar faces to get a the journey ticket but didn’t find any. Soon I heard the sound of the train passing through the elevated platform line and started cursing my TL for his last minutes team meeting which resulted in my current situation. I called up my mom and started crying. Like I always say, my mom is a magician… Just call her when even I am down or lost hope, she has got her magic wand waving over me, which will regain all my lost strength.

I got my journey ticket and rushed to the 2nd platform for the 19:30 train to Park Town. My face was tensed and I was sweating all over my body. I got my own space in the compartment because looking at fiery face and accelerated body movements, even RPF Jawan too got scared and stood far away from me. When I reached the Park town station, it was 19:55(5 minutes late from the scheduled arrival). I started cursing every one, the train pilot, the commuters, my team lead and even the modern scientist for not inventing Teleportation.

There was no space on the platform for me to run so I used the railway track to reach the other end of the platform which connects to the main road. When I entered the main road, the situation was much worse. The best possible way is to run through the middle of the road and I did. All the two wheelers and the public transport vehicles paid respect to my effort to catch my 20:05 train. They stopped their vehicle in the middle of the road and spit out some beautiful verse in Tamil which I took it as their encouragement.

Even the traffic police officers who were in duty locked their focus on me and they would have definitely charged me for rash driving through city if I had a number plate on me. The time at the Huge HMT clock inside the station alarmed at me saying 20:10 and I rushed to platform number 5. When I reached the tail of the train, I realized that my compartment is at the other end. A unusual rush was seen in the platform with Kooli’s bargaining, chai walas, commuters exchanging wishes to their dear ones, lovers on their favorite gadget, IT professionals with their laptops and I could see the entire Kerala in that train.

Suddenly I heard the siren from the train and the huge man made machine started moving slowly. I started running faster than the train to reach my 2nd AC compartment. Since my horse power was not matching to the humans one of the greatest invention, I decided to board any compartment and started moving through the compartments and finally I reached the golden door of my compartment. The Cool waves from my compartment welcomed me and I started searching for my berth.

No.31, no. 31 and finally I found my berth No.31. I had chosen side lower berth while I reserved my tickets and I was so happy to see that no one occupied my seat. The commuters in the same cabin were busy settling down and I wished I could straighten my legs and sleep right away. I took of my heavy bag from my shoulders and an old lady interrupted me.

“Did it rained in Chennai?” She waited so curiously to listen from me.

Soon I noticed my wet cloths sticking to my body and I replied to her with a smile.
“No Aunty, I was sweating for the last 1 and half hours.”

The entire Cabin went alive and all gave me a great smile.

I took a pair of new cloths from my bag and moved to the washroom to freshen up myself. When I returned from the washroom, I found a lady sitting in my berth and I felt so disappointed for spoiling my entire plan for a tight sleep. I rucked up my dirty cloths and pushed it inside my bag showing my disappointment to her. I noticed her face when I was taking my i-pod from the bag and I said,

“Hey you are Rekha right?”
She is Rekha, a newly joined mallu girl in our office. She is beautiful, with her thick curly black shiny hair and all my fellow tamilians had an eye on her right from the day one of her joining.

First thing you notice about her was her height and the next thing is her gloomy face. Since she worked in the same floor ,for some other client, I used to see her daily in my office. She is always seen in the small breakout area where I used to go for fetching drinking waster. She will be always looking out through the air tight glass window to no where. At some point of time I wanted to meet her but my days in Chennai were too busy. This is the first time I am meeting her for a chat and it was accidental.

She looked at me and said, “Yes”.
I could feel the emptiness in her face and she started looking out through the glass sealed window.

“What is your berth number”, I asked
“32.” She replied even before hearing my question.

She will be occupying the upper berth and I realized that she was not interested in talking to me.

I plugged in the head phones and started listening to my favorite soundtrack by Craig Armstrong. Suddenly I saw her saying something to me.

“Sorry, I was listening to the song” I asked her to repeat and she said,

“Are you the writer Arun”

That was a recognition! “Writer Arun!!!”, I laughed and replied
“Writer… Who said, I write…?”

“Your blog is popular among my friends and you write very well”

“Thank you Rekha, I really appreciate your comments” I tried to switch to some other topics. Before starting something she continued her comments on my blog.

“How do you get these ideas to write, Is all the things you write in your blog happened in your life. Then your life would be a real happening life.” She started with her questions and found the answer to her questions too.

I again laughed and replied, “Most of the things are cooked up stories, few I steal from my friends life and very few from my own life.”

“I had seen you the last 2 Fridays in the same train?”

“Ohh! So I hope you too are having a busy month like mine. This time I am going to celebrate my parents 25th Wedding Anniversary”

“I thought your marriage is getting fixed!” She said with out any emotions.

“Ha ha.. No Rekha!” Her sound looks tragically wan to me. There is something seriously troubling her. I could easy make out from her tone and facial expressions.

“And what is your special occasion for this weekend trip to Kerala.”

“Special Occasion…” she echoed those two words in deep anguish of spirit.

I waited for her to continue, but she didn’t continue after that.

The time was 21:00 and the cabin is getting colder. Most of the cabin lights went off and every one started sleeping, some are over phone chatting with their loved ones, some are over their laptops, god only know what they are doing and I badly need a good sleep.

“How do you capture peoples life in your blog?”

Her Sound frightened me in the dark and I looked at her eyes and it communicates something to me, but I was not able to understand it clearly.

Continues

(Kindly read the Let it be love – Part 4 before continue reading this Post)

“What is this Arun? Why are you acting so weird. I called you because I still love you and wanted to know If you still love me….and…”
She completed the sentence with such a weak sound that I couldn’t hear what she was trying to say. It was not coming from her mouth, the flow was such that, the sound originated from her heart. But it was late, I forgot the language of her heart.

There was a complete silence on both sides and I could hear the waves gushing to the shore of Thiruvanmayur beach sitting in my room. What was her question, Is she expecting an answer. I didn’t hang up the phone, neither she. We waited…waited for some one to interrupt us.

“Can we meet?”
At this moment, seconds looks to me like hours and minutes looks like hours. But I was forced to answer her. I started after a long interval. Sitting on my bed, with my legs straight and supporting my back on the wall I started.

“We were 15, an age where we cannot explain what love is? I met you, felt for you and cared for someone apart from my parents for the first time in my life. True and that was you. Now at 25, I have imagined, seen, felt the pleasure and pain of what is called Love.” there was a silence for a minute and I continued.

“I didn’t felt what love when we shared our homework, when I paid for your bus ticket, when I gifted you a five star in the middle of the class on your birthday, when we laughed together…when we were together. But I realized what love is when your name was missing form the List of Name who were admitted to Plus 1, I realized what love is when I came to know that you had changed the school, I felt your love for the first time when I received the birthday card with your handwritten letter, I felt your love when you waited for me near the oak tree near my school after 2 years of our separation, I felt love when you called me yesterday night. But… it is….late.”

I had to stop is there, because I was not able to continue more, I was not able to push air from my lungs to talk more on how I felt for her for years.

“I knew this Arun, I shouldn’t have called you. I am a crazy girl, I have never taken my life so seriously but when I need to answer my parents about my marriage, you were the first thought which came to me. But I should have thought about you. You are not the same old Arun, you have changed… I should have realized it long back.”

I didn’t say anything after that, may be I was angry with her or may be I was busy with my own life now or may be I don’t have the bandwidth to accommodate her in my life in Chennai.

Days passes by, She hardly calls me, I hardly acknowledged her calls and I realized the end of the story when I got her wedding invitation from her after couple of months. It didn’t contains no body, no signature, just a wedding card attachment which was sent to all her friends in her mail list.

I felt happy that she finally considered me just as her old gone friends and I prayed that she will have a happy married life there after.

The End.

Last weekend I gained some confidence to go out with my Canon EOS 1000D gear and to shot some good pics. Like for any novice, I choose flowers as my first object and straight away went to lalbhag in Bangalore where International flower show was happening and here are my few favorite shots.

(Before Reading the last part of this series, Kindly read Route No. 20 – Dinner Girl before continuing with this Post)

I am a person who cannot keep secrets, I need to share with someone. Not to any strangers, but some one whom I can trust, a back up for me, so that my secrets will be retained even I am not available.

RM is one such friend in my office, she sits in my cubicle. She is a real crazy stuff…we Librans has got lot many similarities. We crack jokes, share gossips and she helps me a lot in all my daily activities. She is a super senior in my project and a big time fun maker.

I started sharing with her all incidents happening with my dinner girl every day after my dinner, just before leaving to catch my 20:30 shuttle. A quick session of 5 minutes. She listens to me all the time even though she is busy with any work.

“Why can’t her team mates let have her dinner alone. Why does she need people always around like black cats.” I complaint to RM.
“May be she is scared of you and don’t like to have dinner with you.” she laughed.
“I hate you! I am leaving for the day. I don’t know when will I be able to talk to her.” I left my seat with out even locking my system. I was so angry because of inability to talk to her. Or just to say a Hi to her. With so much of anger, I walked towards the 4th floor lift area.

“I will never go for dinner at the usual time, I am going to change my timing. I don’t want anyone… I hate every one” I was so angry to myself. People started reading my face and they might have started thinking that this guy had a real bad day. The lift opens up and I saw her in the lift. My anger disappeared like salt in the water.

The lift was crowded and I stood in such a position that I could see her reflection on the polished steel inside the lift. The lift stopped at 3rd floor and the lady waiting outside got scared by seeing the crowd and she rushed to the stairs to catch her shuttle cursing other 3 lifts. I saw her laughing at the scene and I too replied back with a smile looking at her reflection.

Finally the lift halted at floor one and she got out. Yes, First floor.

The next day I saw her waiting for her shuttle few blocks from mine. Route No 20.

That’s all I know about her and I detailed all these incidents with background score to RM the following days.

“But why can’t you just go and talk to her? You are not a stranger in this office? You are not doing anything illegal here? Then why?” She started questioning my inability.

“But I am not finding her alone a single day, every time I see her with the colleagues” and I didn’t like questioning my incapability, so I continued.

“What will you think if some stranger in office ask you to join for dinner? I know she had seen me, but still I don’t want her to feel bad or think that I am jobless.”

“Yes you are darling” she laughed.
“RM……………..” I gave my first warning to stop pulling my leg.

“Ok Ok… lets find her name”
“Good idea, You go and ask her. Hey buddu, tell me something constructive.”

“She is not even acknowledging my attempt to get her attention. I felt so bad one day when she just moved away from me and stood alone when we both were waiting for the shuttle. How can I wave my hand and say a bye or hi to her in such situation.” I described my helplessness to her.

It was drizzling that day and every one were waiting for shuttle 19 and 20. Finally an announcement came that every one will commute in a single backup shuttle. I really got so excited that we both will be going in the same shuttle. I hurried to get a seat and waited for her to board. She came alone and looked around the shuttle for a seat and didn’t even acknowledge me. But I was still happy because she will be seeing where I get down.

But like the say goes, “If you want God laugh, Tell him your plans.”
Yeah the God might had had the best laugh that day. The shuttle was nearing my stop, and the Route No. 20 shuttle was waiting one stop before mine to pick up the regular commuters.

I had a great laugh those couple of days because of the funny, unlucky incidents happening with me.

We had a face to face communication one day when my shuttle took a sharp turn which, blocking her way to catch her bus. She looked up my window as a small child scared looking at a fiery teacher. I too might have given a scary look at her for being late. I went home and looked at the mirror making the same face which I showed to her… I laughed a lot that day.

I shared all these to RM one day morning, but her reaction was something which I never expected. She said,

“You are thinking too much about her. You don’t know her name, where is she from, what kind of person is she and you are building your dreams”

“Yeah, I don’t know anything but I believe that she can be my next best friend.” I explained to her but I could feel her disagreement.

“You are not understanding me. You go and talk to her, Don’t be desperate to find some one. Think if she say no or if she is not interested then… ” She gave me a reverse option which I had thought during my initial days, but I had good time even before having a talk with her. She is not that kind of person who will say a no to me. But RM is right, I don’t know her. If she says No then…

“I am not desperate RM, I am just looking for a friend.” I couldn’t explain my situation more to her.

“I know you Arun, time will come when everything goes right for you. Don’t dream about anything. You never know, she might have not even thought about you once like you had thought.”

She was right, I though about this the whole day and I couldn’t concentrate on my work. RM realized that I was feeling bad and she started cracking jokes to disturb my unwanted thoughts. That day I went for my lunch long before she comes. I went for my tea with out turning on my radar. I had my dinner without even looking at her.

That weekend the Bangalore city celebrated Friendship day and I felt the irony in my life. Next Monday I went to office with a clean mind, RM welcomed me with her usual greeting, ‘Patti’ and asked for an update of what had happened last Friday.

“I should not have thought about her or discussed about that unknown girl like this. And this friendship day resulted in loosing a friend rather than gaining some one new.”

“Its ok Arun, we all are here for you and you are the best for us.” She consolidated me.

“I know RM, but I was looking for some one special. Any way, my bad days are still following me”

“I can understand your feeling of loneliness” and AL was listening to all these and said,

“Get married man. You will get an escape from all these”

“Marriage is not an alternative AL and I don’t want to marry any one over a cup of tea. I will surely consider your suggestion… after 3 years” We all laughed and I broke away from the group and moved to cafeteria for a tea.

My supervisor and few of the team members were already there having tea and invited me to join them and gave me a seat facing the TV. I sat down and to my surprise I saw her sitting in the opposite table with her colleagues, facing me with out any one block the view. We never been so close before. I looked at her and she looked at me and told to myself.

“God you are having real fun with me right?” I couldn’t control my happiness. Smile started flowing all over my face and I started living again.

Some people are always a mystery. I continued to wait for her during lunch, maintained the same timing with her for tea and continued to wait for the right day to ask out for dinner with me. Hoping to say a Hi… Hoping to have a good chat… Hoping to start a new friendship.

I still used to wait near Route No. 20 to watch her closely with a nice smile on my face, which makes me forget all my worries of the dat and hoping to get a new friend in my life.

The End.

(Kindly read Route No. 20 – My Green bird before continuing this Post)

She is appealing with long straight brown hair, a face seen never before, having anunique expression and a unique taste of colors in her attire.

Days in my office had been more interesting since then. I started keeping schedule for each and every activities I do in my daily work. I had to keep my to-do list ready for the day before 13:20 so that I can be meet her by 13:30 for lunch. I had to complete my high priority works before 14:30 so that I can meet her for coffee and need to send my final update mails for the day before 20:00 to meet her for dinner. A time in my life where I started to laugh, dream and stay fit.

“What’s your Dinner girls Name?” RM asked me one day before leaving for my dinner.

“I don’t know!”, She laughed.

Yeah, I don’t know anything about her. Her name, age, native…nothing. Every attempt to read her employee display card or to talk to her reflects my incapability to talk or socialize with strangers. But she is not a stranger to me any more.

I finally decided to talk to her. My plan was to say a hi and ask her to join for dinner. But I saw her colleagues with her on that day, the next day and the following days. I finally got irritated and one day I met her in the wash area accidently.

I waited for few seconds if she is willing to look at me, finally my radar spot her look and I started

“Do you really like the food in cafeteria?”
What!!! I was supposed to ask her for dinner and I don’t have any clue why did I ask this question.

“Sorry?” Err.. Even she got shocked by the question.

“Because I used to see you having the dinner every day.”

“Yeah! I too don’t like the food here. But what to do…” Finally I got to hear her voice clearly for the first time.

“Normally girls used to prepare their own food?”

“But I don’t get the time after reaching home”
And I felt relaxed with my timely questions and response from her.

“So your project work in UK shift like mine??”

“No, I used to come at 11:00 and go by 20:30″
She started to move out of the wash area, but I wanted to ask her name.

She came close to me and said… bye before my brain started drafting my next question.

I carried the memories and her voice back to my apartment. I was the most happiest person that night. I planned for my next meeting, Friday. But she didn’t come that night for the dinner. And I felt miserably bad with out her presence in the cafeteria. I waited for the next week to start and over the weekend I did so many things to kill the time.

I didn’t see her the very next Monday and the following days. That week, I started feeling something missing in me… the laugh I had, the excitement I had, I started feeling gloomy again. Too many thoughts came to me that entire week, I tried to convince my self that she has gone for a week vacation, but I don’t know what had happened to her. Finally I started realizing that I should not feel anything for her. I decided not to care for her anymore. A constructive week to think and decide, by the end of the week I decided she will be my friend nothing more than that.

It’s a human feeling, no one can find fault with me or any one who is undergoing this feelings. A feeling to have some one personal in the life. A feeling to be young always in life. A feeling which cannot be expressed in words.

I waited for the next week with a whole lot of ideas to meet her.

Continues

It was Friday night, time 20:00 and I was so excited and tensed. I left behind my Bay and walked towards the cafeteria a bit early, so as to have a feel and pulse of the crowd (even though I use to have my dinner everyday there). I was quite satisfied with a complete round of rehearsal in the washroom and started climbing the stairs of the cafeteria. I could see smiles posted on every faces climbing down the stairs, rushing to their shelters, to welcome the great weekend ahead of them. A day in the office where people comes in the best of their attire, happy about the job they do, happy about the pending work they have to do, happy about the scolding that they get from clients and happy that the manager leaves early on a Friday. And I choose Friday for the execution because of these reasons.

Standing in the queue to purchase the token for my dinner, I could hear people exchanging weekend greetings from the other side of the football sized cafeteria hall. As usual, she was sitting at her favorite place facing the Pepsi vending machine near to the rodent filled US Pizza food counter.

I got my food and with a diminishing smile I approached her table.

“Waiting for anyone to join for the Dinner?”

“No”,
She replied as if she was accused of stealing something.

“May I?”
My mind was ready to execute a set of switch case statement to act immediately on her response and my buffer waited for her reply.

A small sun shine of smile jumped out from her face and she replied,
“Yes”

“Yes!!!” My sprit shouted with delight as if the my code has gone to an infinite loop and a part of it got reflected on my face as a smile.

“Arun…Arun, SA is calling you!!” That was the last and final call from RM. I woke up from my day dreams and took another few seconds to return to this world, to answer to my managers call.

The thought of finding someone personal started over a tea, when AC got already fed up with my daily cry for staying alone in Bangalore.

“Why can’t you look out for a friend here, rather than walking through smoky past?

“But who?”

“Do you think that friends will come to you?”

“Once you leave from here, I will die out of oxygen. I need someone to listen to me, to discuss, to learn, to crack jokes, some one to talk till we both are tired, spend some good time on weekends, fight with me and to give me real criticism about what I do wrong or right.”

“You can’t get a replace for me baby.”

“Do you think that I am looking for a replace, I really need to enjoy my freedom arrested under you for these many years?

We laughed out loud or may be it got bit louder. The attention of the group sitting next to us turned to our table. She pinched me so that in the pain I will stop my laugh. I turned down my volume and started laughing with a regular interval.

“Hey look at this 5:1 group!” She whispered.

“What? 5:1! What is that?

“Arey buddhu, look at this group with 5 guys and the 1 girl.” She was pointing to the group sitting in the same table who few minutes back stopped our laugh with their stare.

“Yeah!” I replied with out any emotion.

“How is she?”

“Ha Ha..” I laughed.

“Why are you laughing? You didn’t like her?”

“Its not the matter of liking. You already admitted that it’s a 5:1 group and I need to prove my self that I am better than these 5.”

“Ok then, Leave it, lets move to our bay” She really got fed up with me.
We started and I turned back to have a closer look at her.

Day goes by, AC quit from my company and returned to Delhi for her wedding. I started hating to go to the cafeteria because my only companion during breaks had left. I started going with my colleagues RM, RS, AK to enjoy my break, but my heart was still searching for someone personal.

I was totally irritated that day… I really wanted to throw my self out of my seat.I decided to go for dinner early that day and I started by around 19:30. An empty cafeteria welcomed me and I sat next to the Pepsi Vending machine and started chewing my food very slowly to kill the time. I don’t know what suddenly happened , my attention went to the girl sitting at the next table in the same row. She is the 1 in that 5:1 group and I remember AC telling about her. But that day I was irritated by things happening in the office and my life, I was not ready to start anything new, so I returned to my self.

I finished my dinner after an effortless 45 mins and started from my seat to keep my dish in the dish wash area. To my surprise, I saw her following me. Then we moved together to the wash area for our hand wash, washed our hand… all in a synchronized way… or may be I was dreaming. I looked at her, she looked at me, no emotions, no communication, just a stare. She went to the lift area and I took the stairs.

For the next two days, either she starts first from her table and I follow or vice-versa . But when the same scene happened for the consecutive days I started noticing her.

I shared this incident to RM after a week and since I didn’t had any idea about her. She was just another girl in my office but we see each other always during lunch, tea break and dinner. And my radar will kick off when ever I enter to the cafeteria to find her.

Continues…